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What a mess.
Unintentionally, that’s actually one aspect of this avatar that is somewhat reflective of me and how I work. My desk is generally a mess, yet somehow I can find what I need (usually).
Everything else has a reason for being here. Let’s start off with the face.
My face is split in half in this picture. The right side of the face [our right] is smiling and happy, with the eye wide open. This represents my happier side, the one that is present more so in the nighttime, as represented by the moon on the corner of my mouth. This is the side of me that most people within classes and study time don’t see, simply because of the environment I am in. I have nothing against going to class or studying of course.
On the left side of my face, my eye is closed, and my mouth is flat. There are also bags under my eye, which shows how little sleep I typically get. This point is further driven by representation of the coffee cup with the clock that shows 4 AM. The orange dot on my mouth represents the sun, which means this is how I am in the daytime. I am typically a very tired and “stone-faced” person, one who doesn’t usually smile or laugh too much.
The overall image of this split face is not as much to show split personalities, but to show that there are different sides to me, as with any person, that come out at various times. This shows a dynamic character rather than a static, one-faced personality.
The detective hat and magnifying glass set represents my curiosity for things unknown. As a detective does, I examine all the small details and try to piece them all into a single image. This way, I can learn the grand scheme of whatever topic I am learning. I do this in classes such as biology and chemistry, where I believe that everything links back to a single purpose or parent. This way of learning has helped me understand concepts easier, as I have something further up to connect it to.
On the detective hat, there is also a chess piece and a musical note. This is to represent my main hobbies, the ones that have allowed me to grow the most as a person.
On the topic of purpose, I am a very goal-driven person. This is shown through the single star in the night sky. While I may seem to be a person surrounded by darkness and negativity, I always have sight of the grand goal and keep it in mind. This is what drives me to continue doing anything in life, whether it’s to improve small things or create big things. However, to others, it may seem as though I’m just a dark person who has no drive.
The green background doesn’t completely fill in the entire back. Instead, there are parts at the edges that are not colored, as well as spaces in between that also have not been fully colored in. This is intentional. Something that I have learned as I’ve grown older and as a person is that not everything needs to be filled in. I used to strive to make sure every single small detail was fulfilled, and I wouldn’t be satisfied if that didn’t happen. However, I’ve learned to accept that not everything will always be filled and complete. Some things in life will never be answered; however, that is okay. I can still be satisfied with how something turned out, even if not everything is complete to the full extent.
Finally, the shape of the name. The robotic text of my name is also intentional. I used to be well known at my old school as a machine. People would say that I was more like a robot than a human. I had to solve problems with equations, if/then statements, and the like. I didn’t really try to look at things based on a mixture of logic and feelings. However, as I’ve grown, I feel like that robotic style has started to fade. However, this logical style of thinking is still who I am, and I will not strive completely away from that. We can see this being represented in the name because of the fading ends of some of the lines in the name. For example, the top of the C on my last name is fading. However, it is still incredibly easy to tell that the text is in a robotic style. I won’t stop being robotic, but it will indeed start to fade little by little.
There was absolutely some difficulty in this avatar. What do I use to represent myself? How can this be interpreted? All these were questions that can be answered differently and are so open-ended that it’d take years to finalize any answers. Not only was it hard to understand myself and what I want, it was also hard to get back into art. Digitally drawing was something I tried to get into, but never did. Conventional art media and digital art has very different techniques utilized for the same purpose, so my old art lessons proved to not be very effective.
I am satisfied with the current state of my avatar. However, I am excited for the day I look at this avatar and say, “I can do better.” And when that day comes, I look forward to redrawing this avatar. But until then.